Gone...Just Gone

Today was the first time in over fifty-three years I woke up in a world in which my sister was not a part. It's been a surreal experience since Monday when we learned of the incident that took my sister's life. Yesterday, there was hope, but after we found out the details, the hope dimmed. The human body is not designed to survive what she went through. A test performed last night confirmed what all of us knew...no brain function...no way to come back from that.

She was surrounded by her children when they last breathes came, then stopped. 

And just like that, she was gone...just gone.

Why is it that some with the biggest hearts have those hearts fail them? If you knew my sister, you knew she was a caring person, sometimes to a fault. She wanted everyone to be happy...an impossibility in an imperfect world, but don't tell her that--she'd only try to not only change your mind, but prove the impossible possible. It's ironic her heart gave out...one of her best qualities.

Of the three of us, my sister took our mother's passing the hardest. Maybe it was that mother-daughter bond. Maybe she was my mom's favorite. Maybe it was just the way it was. If there's any consolation in this, it's that she's with my mom and with our father whom she barely knew. The thought of her being with him, getting to know our dad...what a wonderful gift.

As I woke up, the dreams fading and reality setting in, I thought of the word, "gone." When my brother called with the news we already knew, he said she was gone. The words "passed" or "died" have such specific meanings...they're definite, specific, final. But "gone" is different. People go places. Mom's gone to the store. Son's gone to college. To me, it means there's a returning, albeit implied, but it's there. My sister's gone, only not coming back in the world we think we understand.

But, maybe she's not gone. She's not gone to her two children and their children. She's not gone to cousins and aunts and uncles and two her two brothers left behind. She's in the smiles of her granddaughters, the laugh of her grandson. When my brother and I and our families meet up on Memorial Day at the Farmington City Cemetery, even though they'll be three names etched in stone instead of just our parents, she'll be there.

I am going to miss my sister. She had some tough times in her life, physical, and otherwise. She was much too young to have this happen. There was so much life ahead of her, but such is the way of things...life has no guarantees.

I've been overwhelmed by the outpouring of support and prayers for our family since the news was announced earlier today. It means so much. We now turn our attention to a memorial and all that involves, followed by living our lives without her by our side. Goodnight, Sis. It isn't right and it doesn't seem fair, but I'm eternally grateful you were part of the family and proud to call myself your big brother. Rest easy, and enjoy the family reunion.