Not in person, though.
About a year after sending a text message to my cousin, I received a text message from my half sister. At first, I thought she was my older sister, the one who was five-years old when I was born. Nope. She was born two years after me. Since that first message, she came up and met my family, met her nephews and niece, and her half sister-in-law.
So, when I found out about our birth mother, my half-sister and I started communicating. We texted, e-mailed, and spoke on the phone. Turns out, when my birth mom's family found out about me, they found out about her. We found out there would be two calls this Thanksgiving, one for me and one for my sister.
Thanksgiving Day came and waited for the call. As the afternoon ticked, I wondered how the call would go. My cousin said my mother was ill and on hospice. I thought of when my own mother passed away from cancer. She was also on hospice, but until the last couple of days of her life, she was alert, active, aware of her surroundings. This is what I expected.
The call came. I saw my older sister, and she introduced me to my mom.
My mother's condition was so much worse than I anticipated.
My cousin told me our mom was sick. I didn't realize just how sick she was. She was in bed, surrounded by family. My older sister introduced us on the video call. I introduced my mom to her daughter-in-law, and her grandchildren...my mother's only grandchildren. We found out I have another half sister--my mom had four children in all and I'm the only boy. None of my half-siblings have any children, so my mother went her entire life without knowing she was a grandmother.
I wonder if she thought about one day becoming a grandmother. After becoming a grandparent for the first time this year, it's an incredible experience. We told her that not only was she a grandmother, but a great-grandmother as of July. My half-sisters found out they were aunts and great-aunts...something they didn't know, either.
I hoped I would be able to talk to my mother, exchange some stories, even make her laugh. Unfortunately, she was too ill. I told her that never in my life had I blamed her or thought poorly of her for putting me up for adoption. I told her I was grateful for her courage and selflessness. It's a conversation I'll never forget.
The conversation drifted to learning more about my sisters and their families. I found out my younger sister (both, actually...) loves to sing and perform. My mom loved to sing as well. I now know where I got that from. Mom was a firecracker, so full of life and lit up a whatever room she entered. More than once, both sides said we wished we knew of each other years ago.
I guess it wasn't meant to be.
I found out that part of the reason my birth mom didn't end up with my birth father is because my father's mother did not want him marrying a woman who already had a child. What might have been had that woman pushed their union? More unknowns to consider.
We wrapped up the call with promises of hopefully meeting in person soon, with expressing thanks for the incredible opportunity to meet each other. We said good-bye to my mom. Because of her condition, I knew I'd never get the opportunity to meet her in person.
Last week, I got a text message from my little sister. She informed me that our mother had passed. The family is planning a celebration of life in a few months where we hope to all gather and meet each other for the first time. It's a meeting I wondered would ever happen.
When I think back on the events of the past month, there's so many "what ifs." I suppose that's natural with any decision as life-changing and impactful as putting up a child for adoption. What if my mom had told her family about putting up a boy for adoption back years ago? If so, when I contacted my cousin, he would know instantly who I was instead of thinking I was some quack. If so (and if my family would want to meet me...), I'd have been able to visit with my family, have my mom meet her grandchildren in person, and they her.
But, just like the alternative reality in quantum physics, the other me--the other life--never happened. I take comfort in knowing things unfolded the way they were supposed to. The family was supposed to find out about me during my mother's last days. We were never supposed to meet again in this life. I don't know why things happened the way they did, only that they did.
I'm so thankful that I got to see my mom, see her eyes open when she found out and meet her grandchildren. I got to tell her how thankful I am for her. I've lived a charmed life--I can't think of having it turn out any other way. I'm thankful for the woman I don't know but will hopefully get to know through her beautiful daughters.
One might say, it was all for naught, yes we met, but things could have turned out so much differently. For me, I'm at peace, for I am the unknown boy no more.
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