More Old Testament According To Steven...

Old Testament As Interpreted by Steven

Once again, my good friend and funny co-worker blessed me with ecclesiastical fun. I just had to share his latest I/M...

Steven (8:19:17 AM): go ahead. ask me if i learned anything in scripture study
Scott (8:19:38 AM): Hey, learn anything in scripture study lately?
Steven (8:20:43 AM): glad you asked
Steven (8:20:46 AM): hold on phone
Steven (8:20:49 AM): naturally

(pause...)

Steven (9:00:36 AM): dont let God name your kids
Steven (9:02:07 AM): the kids will be scarred
Steven (9:02:10 AM): and they have meaning
Steven (9:02:13 AM): usually negative]
Steven (9:02:17 AM): They had two sons, naming one Jasub, meaning "A remnant shall return"Isaiah 7:3 <http://bibref.hebtools.com/?book=%20Isaiah&verse=7:3&src=HE> and the younger, Maher-Shalal-Hash-Baz, meaning, "Spoil quickly, plunder speedily."<http://bibref.hebtools.com/?book=%20Isaiah&verse=8:3&src=HE>

Steven(9:02:33 AM): and it takes a while for God to give Israel a message when his message is waiting for a baby to be born
Steven (9:02:43 AM): its almost like a forturne cookie
Steven (9:02:52 AM): jasub is born and you get the first half of the message
Steven (9:03:04 AM): then you have to wait around for another year to get the other half when the prophet has his next kid
Steven (9:03:36 AM): do you think Isaiah or Mrs. Isaiah shortneded maher shalal has baz to just HashBaz
Steven (9:03:37 AM): ?
Steven (9:04:50 AM): hosea is another example
Steven (9:05:39 AM): not only did his kids have crap names but God told him to marry a harlot as a sign to Israel that he saw their covenant relationship as adulterous going after other gods in canaan
Steven (9:05:49 AM): how would you like to have to follow through on that?
Steven (9:05:56 AM): to top it off his wife's name is Gomer
Steven (9:06:09 AM): not really any meaning to it but can you imagine what a Gomer looks like?

Steven (9:06:19 AM): shes the freaky one on Gomorrahs main street
Steven (9:06:22 AM): webbed feet
Steven (9:06:24 AM): eyepatch
Steven (9:06:27 AM): unibrow
Steven (9:06:38 AM): curvey spine
Steven (9:06:51 AM): can fit 120 cigarrettes in her mouth
Steven (9:06:54 AM): that type of Gomer
Steven (9:06:58 AM): and his kids names
Steven (9:06:58 AM): Similarly, his children's names made them like walking prophecies of the fall of the ruling dynasty and the severed covenant with God - much like the prophet Isaiah a generation later. The name of Hosea's daughter, Lo-ruhamah, which translates as "not pitied," is chosen by God as a sign of displeasure with the people of Israel for following other gods. (In Hosea 2:23 she is redeemed, shown mercy with the term Ruhamah.) The name of Hosea's son, Lo-ammi, which translates as "not my people," is chosen by the Lord as a sign of the Lord's displeasure with the people of Israel for following other gods (see Hosea 1:8-9).

Steven (9:07:06 AM): "not pitied,
Steven (9:07:14 AM): not my people,"
Steven (9:07:22 AM): bet they got beat up at school alot
Steven (9:07:23 AM): thanks dad
Steven Smith (9:07:30 AM): did god really say that or were you in your cups that day?

And there's more where that came from... Check back later to see what Steven thinks of Samson--it's worth the wait...