The Day My Sister Came to Visit...

I suppose, every child deals with issues as they grow, issues of inadequacy, embarrassment...in a way, growing up is supposed to be hard--prepares a person for life and the challenges that will surely come. So, I suppose I never though being adopted constituted any great trial on my part--just part of the deal. It helped immensely being adopted into an incredible family with loving parents, wonderful siblings, and an extended family anyone would be blessed to call their own.

I also suppose as every adopted child grows they wonder. They wonder about what might have been. They wonder about the people directly responsible for their entire existence.

They wonder.

I wondered...I wondered all my life about the family--my family--out there, somewhere, living their lives, paying their bills, celebrating holidays and trying to find happiness in that cruel world they hopefully prepared for as children. After my mother passed away, the wonderings prompted actions. I signed up for Ancestry.com's DNA test. As far as my DNA, I'm basically what my adopted family is--white from Northern Europe.

Then came the day when a new name popped up on the Ancestry site, a person that was closer than first cousin...basically, a sister. There are reality shows, movies, songs written about the experience of finding a blood relative. Those who are not adopted find stories of finding lost family fascinating. Those who are adopted find the shows fascinating, too. But, they watch the shows and they share something others can never fully understand.

Kim--my sister--and I connected shortly after her DNA test results were known. We've kept in touch through shutdowns, pandemics, riots, uncertainty, and all the happenings of what feels like a dystopian existence. And when she said she was coming to Utah with a friend to visit, well...

No need to wonder anymore.

We met on Friday--they stopped in and we visited for a couple of hours. She met me, her sister-in-law, her nephews, and niece. Kim's friend's family was nice enough to invite all of us north this afternoon for a get-together. We had what the Danes call, a "hyggiligt" time. We ate, chatted, swapped stories, and got to know each other better. One thing my kids noticed after our first meeting with Kim was now natural it felt being with her--she is just part of the family. Anyone who knows me knows I take pictures of everything. But today, I didn't. I just wanted to enjoy our time together.

Kim and her friend leave for home tomorrow. I will be forever grateful they came. We only spent a few hours together, but the event changed my life forever. Safe travels Kim. And your big brother thanks you for the visit.

Finding A Sister...I Never Knew I Had

When you're adopted--and the adoption records are sealed--you grow up with questions, and "what ifs" and what might have beens.

I can only speak for myself, of course, but I can't imagine any adopted person not feeling this way, at least a little. For me, those feelings were always on the back-burner. Sure, they'd creep into the front of my thoughts from time to time, but my adopted family never gave me an excuse to need to find my birth family. I always thought, maybe one day, I might find those people responsible for my existence. I also thought that if I ever did come in contact with them, then it would be "meant to be."

After my mother passed more than a decade ago, those back-burner thoughts spent more time front and center. Then, for Christmas years ago my wife bought me an Ancestry.com DNA kit. I wondered if by taking the test, would questions be answered, "what ifs" figured out, might have beens realized?

I thought I might find my birth parents, or maybe their families, since my parents may no longer be living.

I never thought I'd find a sister, a sister who was also put up for adoption a few years after me, a sister who submitted a DNA test for the same reason--to find her parents, and maybe their families.

We found each other.

Last night we spent an hour texting each other for the first time. It was, in a word, fascinating. I won't include what we discussed or what we discovered--it's too personal, but even though neither of us found parents or siblings of parents, we both found another person on this big earth, people neither knew existed. It's a wonderful, surreal, exhilarating, and a little lonely experience. I'm glad we found each other--at least a couple of questions answered.