Give Thanks...For Missing You

 I parked the car on the thin blade of pavement running north/south, one of several dissecting the Farmington City Cemetery. I arrived early so I could still make my call time for work. I got out and the brilliance of the day hit me, the greens of the grass seem to glow, a rarity in late October. In the past I've visited with snow, leaves covering the headstone of my parents. Yesterday, you could not ask for a more perfect day.

I fetched the pumpkin I carved the morning before, one I spotted among hundreds stacked in front of our local grocery store. My eyes locked on it immediately...small-ish, round-ish, almost perfect. I like to pick smaller pumpkins for my mom's grave. They fit her, not only in her size (not quite five feet tall...), but also in the way she didn't want attention directed her way. That didn't stop the attention from coming. Everyone who knew my mother loved her. She drew people to her like flies to a porch light at dusk.

I hiked the few steps from the car to the site and placed the pumpkin on the ground. Due to the slope, I adjusted the placement to prevent it from rolling downhill. I stood and surveyed the cemetery. Except for a service truck either beginning its duties to accept a new member, or finishing up welcoming a new member (considering the time of day, it's probably the latter...), I stood alone, the only person living at the cemetery on this absolutely beautiful day.

A day my mom would have appreciated.

I had my mom for forty-two years, long enough to believe I knew her. When she passed--and the passing was no surprise--I realized just how much I didn't know of the woman who selflessly adopted three children, myself included, and who raised us alone for thirty-three years. It's funny and ironic and terribly sad how the instant they're gone, you wish you could spend more time with them when you spent every day of your life with them before. The desire to ask her questions, to find out more about her life as a child growing up in the Great Depression or during WWII and all the wars that followed, as a young adult, a newlywed, even during the times I lived with her, hit me after she died and has continued these seventeen years since.

I can't remember the exact year I started carving a pumpkin for her birthday. I was possibly a teenager. I didn't continue the tradition every year, but I believe I've done much better since 2007. It's a small gesture, like the pumpkin itself...small, but heartfelt. 

Tonight, I'll drive to the cemetery again. Since it's Sunday, I may be alone at the cemetery, or perhaps others may come to be as close to their loved ones's remains as possible. The weather's not as perfect as it was yesterday and that may keep some from visiting. I'll pack up the pumpkin, bring it home, and place it among others for the holiday that always occurs four days after we celebrate my mom's birthday.

I thought I was thankful for my mother before, but I find myself more thankful for her with each passing year. I realize, as I get older, what an incredible person she was and how lucky all of us who knew her actually are. In a word...very. In 365 days, God willing, I'll continue the tradition, find an almost perfect pumpkin, carve it, and leave it for my mom. I'm thankful I miss her so much. It's a testament to just how wonderful she was. Until next year, mom. Still missing you.

Happy Birthday, Mom...

Today, if my mom were with us, she would have turned ninety-one years old.

Ninety-one.

She was born on this date in 1931. She was born into a home without running water, without electricity. She grew up during the Great Depression and before that nightmare could come to an end, the world engaged in yet another global war.

She survived, married a WWII vet, adopted three children, lost her husband six years after adopting the last child, and raised her family alone.

She is, in a word, my hero.

Normally, on this day, I would take a carved pumpkin to the cemetery and place it on my parent's headstone. I won't make it today, but will tomorrow. We no longer live within walking distance. It's okay--I think she won't mind her birthday gesture being a day late.

I hope when my time comes I can look back at a legacy half as incredible as hers. I still miss her--a pain I pray never stops. Happy 91st, mom. Sorry the pumpkin's a little late.

Happy Birthday, Mom...First Time In A Long Time I Couldn't Visit Myself

When you move, there's a thousand things to remember. I think I knew this on some level, but it's still something I'm reminded of when there's something I forget. We did well remembering things like getting the utilities changed, the mail stopped, voter registration, drivers licenses changed, and it goes on and on...

Then, you remember something you did at your old home that was such a simple thing.

Halloween means many things. Personally, it's my favorite time of the year. The heat of summer dims and is cooled by the winds of autumn. It's also the season of my mother's birthday, this day--the 27th of October, in fact--is her birthday. Each year for at least the past couple of decades, I've carved a pumpkin and given it to her when she was with us, or placed it on her headstone after she left.

It was so easy when I lived close. I could carve the pumpkin and take it over in a matter of minutes.

That's changed. Now, I've got to do some planning.

My wife reminded me of the tradition. I remembered my mom's birthday--hard to forget since it's exactly one month from my own--and she also reminded me of the carving. Thankfully, my wife was driving her sister and brother-in-law to the airport today, so last night I carved a pumpkin and today my wife dropped it off.

Since we no longer live close, I may need to take the day off to continue the tradition. It's something I'm willing to do and do gladly. I just need to remember.

Remembering alone doesn't make something a tradition, but acting does. Glad I was reminded. Glad I could keep it going. Glad my mom and dad were able to adopt me and raise me as their son. Glad I know that wonderful person who was born almost ninety years ago today.

Happy birthday, mom. Sure do miss you.

A Twelve-Step Guild...On How To Make A Birthday Jack-O-Lantern For Your Mom

Here are the twelve-step instructions for making a birthday Jack-O-Lantern for your mom.

1. Find the perfect pumpkin

2. Clean it in preparation for pumpkin carving

3. Create/find a fun design--it should include a "Happy Birthday" message and perhaps a clever staying--a plus if you can include an iconic Halloween symbol (ghost = good, witch = not so good...)

4. Prepare the pumpkin for carving--cut off the top, scoop out the insides

5. Transfer your clever design to the pumpkin

6. Carve your pumpkin

7. Once finished, test you pumpkin in a dark room (if already dark outside, us that...)

8. Make sure your mother's birthday is close to Halloween, preferably within a day or two of the holiday, but not longer than a week (sorry if that is not an option for you...)

9. Give your finished product and "Happy Birthday Pumpkin" to your mom, or place the pumpkin on your mom's headstone

10. Miss your mom terribly and wish you could still give it to her in person

11. Continue this tradition from the time you were in Jr. High School until today--over four decades (except for the years you were living in Denmark or Colorado...)

12. Do it all again next year

Happy Birthday Mom...Well, Tomorrow

It's Friday as I write this, but most will read my blog post tomorrow, which is October 27th, my mother's birthday. I think each year--or many years since I began this blog in 2011--I've written about my mom's birthday and the pre-Halloween tradition I've kept up for decades.

Each year, on her birthday, I carve a pumpkin.

I used to give it to her and it would be one of the pumpkins we put on the stairs at our house. Now, I place it on my parent's grave. I carved the pumpkin today, tomorrow I'll take it over and place it on the grave. I would have placed it there before I went to work this afternoon, but last year, someone smashed it when I checked a few days after the 27th.

A trick I've been using the past couple of years is to use one of those rechargeable yard lights to light the pumpkin at night. I just cut a hole the size of the light and voilá, I have illumination without resorting to a candle or a battery-powered light.

I sure miss my mom. She'd be turning eighty-seven. She'd love watching her grandkids get bigger, seeing and being with the great-grandkids, and making our lives become a part of her own. But, as with all things, since we have a beginning, we must then have an ending and her time came over eleven years ago. 

Tomorrow I'll drive over the the cemetery, place the pumpkin on the headstone, and hope no one smashes it, at least until tomorrow's over. This year, I chose a "witch hitting a tree" pattern. I'm sure she would have loved it. Happy birthday, well, tomorrow.

Happy Birthday, Mom...Happy 86th!

Tonight, after doing six shows at Frightmares, I drove my little car into a cemetery and placed a carved pumpkin on an headstone. 

It's something I've done on this day every year.

Of course, sometimes I arrive earlier in the day. This time, I couldn't make it until the day, October 27th, was almost over.

This time I chose a simple design, a ghost forming in the word "BOO." In the past, I've been more creative. But this year, I wanted something different. And I placed one of the rechargeable yard lights that broke inside the pumpkin so that it can shine at night without needing to light a candle.

For as long as I can remember, I've carved a pumpkin for my mother on her birthday. I'm just continuing the tradition. This time, I just barely made it before October 27th became October 28th.

Happy 86th, Mom! Sure wish we could have celebrated together. But, in a way, we did.

My Mom's Birthday Pumpkin...A Family Tradition

The last two years I've had busy Octobers. My son and I worked Frightmares, our local amusement park Halloween celebration. And last year as well as this, I'm in a Christmas play. It doesn't give me a lot of time for extras.

Ever since I can remember I've carved a pumpkin for my mother's birthday. Today is that day. Nine years ago was the first time I was unable to give her birthday pumpkin to her in person. She passed away a few months before. For the past nine years I've carved a pumpkin and placed it on her grave. I might have missed a year--I'll have to check my journal. But if I did miss a year, I know it's something I wanted to do.

Since last year and this year were busy, I ended up carving my mom's pumpkin not at my home, but at different locations. Last year I took my pumpkin down to Frightmares and carved it between shows. I'm sure I took a picture and posted it here. I'll have to check my blog. This year I took a pumpkin to my writing group and as we discussed each other's writing selections, I cut the top off the pumpkin, took out all the innards, and wrote my mom a message, something I would have told her had she been here.

I can't really remember exactly when I started this family tradition, but it's probably been twenty-five or thirty years. When I was away on my mission and when I was in school, I'm sure I failed to deliver a Happy Birthday pumpkin, as well as a few times since being married. I'll try and do better in the future. But for the last two years at least, I know I've done it.

Today marks my mom's eighty-fifth birthday. I'm glad I'm continuing this tradition. It allows me to remember just what a special lady she was. Happy B-Day Mom!

Can't Wait To Tell Her About...Oh, Yeah

Currently, we're on vacation, which has been a blast so far, but there's one thing that's happened on this trip that I never would have anticipated.

It's been many years since our family embarked on a vacation of this length. It's been so long, in fact, that my mom was with us the last time we were on vacation. What I mean to say is, she didn't accompany us on the vacation, but she was there when we returned.

What's happened to me this week that I didn't expect is that when we have done something cool on the vacation or seen something interesting, I keep thinking that I need to tell my mom about those cool things we've done or the interesting things we've seen.

And then I catch myself and remember that my mom's no longer with us so I can't talk to her and she won't be there when we get home, like she always was before.

It's been over six years since my mom passed and had she not, she would have turned 82 today. It used to happen a lot--I'd catch myself missing my mom, and then it kind of went away. This trip brought some of that back again. Happy birthday mom. Miss you.

A Pre-Halloween Tradition...

Today's my mom's birthday. Last year I wrote a special birthday message about her. You can read it: HERE. She would have turn 80 last year, so 81 this year. One tradition I failed to include last year was the carving of a pumpkin.

Since her birthday is just a few days before Halloween, I had a tradition where I would carve her a pumpkin. Sometimes it was the only present she got from me, I say with a tinge of embarrassment. Oh, if we could just go back and do things differently... Last year I did get a pumpkin but I didn't carve it. I only set it on my parent's headstone.

This year, however, I actually took the time to carve the orange orb and I left it on the grave. I guess it's strange to leave a pumpkin in the middle of a cemetery that reads "Happy Birthday." I was thinking this as I carved up the thing. Then again, what should I have carved...Boo? Happy Halloween? Trick Or Treat? Bats All Folks? Best Witches? I See Dead People? Probably not (seriously, sorry about those...).

We loaded up the kids in the van on our way to the pumpkin patch to buy the ones we'll carve for the kids. I hope my kids know how much that little lady meant to me So, when it's all said and done, I guess this year is like those others--I got her a pumpkin for her birthday...