Chronicling First Steps...Times Have Changed

 Grandson started walking this week. Our first two boys were early walkers, both began walking before they turned nine months old. So, as the little fellow got bigger and stronger, we suspected he'd follow (literally...) in his father's footsteps.

It took him a few weeks longer than his dad.

But, he did it.

Yesterday the family got together to celebrate a graduation, and afterward, we gathered for brownies in the parking lot. The rest of the family got to see the small (literally...) miracle of the baby walking on his own.

I remember back when our kids learned to walk. Back then--and it wasn't all that long ago--when babies learned to walk, it might generate a phone call, especially if it's the first child's accomplishment. Oh, we'd brag to our friends at church or whenever we got together. And that would be about it. Eventually, people would know about the child's first steps and life would go on.

Now, well...times have changed.

Now, you can with your phone record the entire event, pre and post. You can send it out to the world for all to see, sort of like what I'm doing right now. If social media were available when my kids were babies, I'm pretty sure I would at least blog about things--I'd blog about each child's first steps, their first words, their first everything.

Yes, our first grandchild is walking.

And now, everyone can know about it.

Social Media..TMI

 Came across this little gem a few weeks ago. I mean, it's funny...weird and funny, but it reminded me of a bigger issue, something I'm guilty of doing, namely...

Giving out too much information on social media.

Now, I know neither Anastasia nor Ben personally. And if I'm Anastasia and need to purchase human-grade deboned rabbit meat, I'm not sure reaching out via Facebook and other social media outlets is the best way to find human-grade deboned rabbit meat. Then again, maybe it is. Maybe the best way to secure this type of meat is to reach out on the apps. 

I have no idea.

Then again, how much information is too much? That's the eternal question, I suppose. There are things I've blogged about or posted pictures about that some might shake their heads at and think, "If it were me, I wouldn't post that." I understand. Then again, I suppose what is acceptable to post for one person would be verboten for another. Some don't want anything about them out on the nets. The problem is, it's almost impossible to keep your personal information secret.

The more information I put out into the social media universe, the more I'm adding to that giant information blob.

There's a natural follow-up question for Anastasia. I'd love to ask the question and even more, would love to know the answer, but I guess that information will forever remain a mystery.

Lost Dog Story...

 There's a lot of knocks on social media, and most are deserved, but there's also good...

And when it's good, it's really good.

Our little community has several lost pets sites on Facebook. I'm sure other communities do the same thing. It's good for people to connect to help lost animals. Last night I was doing a little surfing when I noticed the first picture.

Poor little guy.

From the post, it's not the first time this fella has busted out. That must be terrifying. We have a dog, but he's never allowed off a leash, unless he's in the fenced backyard. Of course, it's possible he could escape--dogs are smart, after all. So far, we've never had to utilize the "Lost Pets" site.

Maybe it was just the algorithm, but immediately under the first picture, someone posted the second picture...you guessed it, the same dog. In the comments under both pictures were links to the other post. Like me, others saw what I saw...a lost puppy post, and a found puppy post and thankfully, it was the same dog.

The people posting did not have to do what they did. They could have ignored the dog and just let it roam thinking someone else will take care of the problem, but they didn't.

Sometimes, when you see all the bad on social media, you might think that's all there is. Seeing some good renews my faith in humanity...

And canines.

Anytime Is A Good Time...For A Pun War

 It began innocently enough...just a simple sharing of a meme, a meme containing a pun. For those of you who don't know me, I love puns. I love them in an almost inhuman way. Puns are a sign of higher intelligence...of this, I am certain. So, I found a fun little pun meme and texted it to my friend--you know, something to break the monotony of work.

Thus began the war.

Truth be told, it was a short war...consisting of three volleys. I sent one pun. He responded, hoping to inflict damage. His was good, no doubt. I felt, however, I had to finish him off. 

I sent yet another pun.

He did not respond.

I guess I won the war.

Of course, I could have continued the battle, lobbed yet another incredible pun to inflict further damage. Would he respond? Probably, unless he was paralyzed by the effects of the masterful puns I sent.

The next war may be fought in a day, a week, a month, or maybe never. If so it will most likely be instigated by me...I cannot resist. He may find one he knows I will enjoy. I will inevitably respond with a blinding pun of my own...rarely does he best me in this category. And if that happens, I may write about it, I might not.

We'll just have to wait and see.

I Hate Getting Scammed...But I HATE More Involving Others

 I saw the post and I should have known it wasn't real. Should have followed my gut.

But, alas, I didn't.

When I first joined Facebook, I caught the "friends" bug. I tried to get Facebook friends left and right. I succeeded, too. I've got more Facebook friends than some, much fewer than others. It helped that I became part of several communities, communities that like to add Facebook friends, namely writing communities, and especially theater communities. Every time I did a show, I'd Facebook friend dozens of people.

Fast forward ten or so years and the memory of many of those Facebook friends have faded. And with writer friends, there's many I've never actually met in person. I've also friended several high school acquaintances. Some I've kept kept in touch with, some not so much (and it's my 40th high school reunion next year, so that's a lot of years...). 

I saw a post from a high school friend. She said she had four Yorkie puppies that needed homes. A few months back, we thought our dog needed a friend. Turns out, he's more of a solo act. But, I saw my friend's post and since we weren't looking, I thought I'd share the post for other to see, others who might be looking for a puppy.

It was a scam.

After I shared the post, I got several messages from friends asking for help in contacting my friend. I messaged her and she said she'd contact them. A few hours passed and they'd contact me again saying they hadn't heard from her. Finally, I deleted my shared post. The next day my friend posted that she had been hacked.

What I hate is involving others. If you go to this website: HERE, you'll see these puppies are not cheap. No one is just "giving them away." I'm sorry I shared that post. I'm sorry they got their hopes up. Just crappy all the way around. Should have followed my gut.

Give Thanks...Happy Father's Day, Dad

 One thing I love to do on holidays and days of remembrance/acknowledgements is check out social media. At least on my feed it's full of friends/family recognizing others, proclaiming their love and gratitude for the people in their lives. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Mother's and Father's Days...seeing their posts renews my faith in humanity.

Like today...

Father's Day.

For me, the day is not about any gifts I may or may not receive (especially this year after just surviving a daughter's wedding...), nor is it about me, really. I think about my father and my wife's father.

They're both gone. It's a bittersweet day, thinking of what might have been.

Next year will mark several milestones for my father. He would have turned 100-years old. It will also mark fifty years since he passed away. I was eight-years old when he died. There's no way I could have realized at such a young age what his passing would mean to me throughout my life. As I age and experience life, I feel more and more my father's absence, and contemplate how life would have been for me and my family.

Still, even though he was only in my life a short time, his impact still affects me today. His impact affects my children and will hopefully continue for decades to come. Our lives are determined by how we react to the events that are put upon us. I know my life would have turned out differently had my father survived the cancer that took his life. I can bemoan the life I never knew, the man I barely knew, but my life is so much better because of the short life he lived. I'm so grateful for my father, a man I still idolize and love. One day--God willing, years from now--I'll have the opportunity to get to know him and thank him myself for everything he did for me and my family.

Happy Father's Day, Dad. Sure do miss you.

Give Thanks...Less Contention

 The leader of the religion of which I am a part spoke to us two weeks ago. During the two-day event leaders of the church give talks with instruction and encouragement. One talk hit close to home.

Be a peacemaker.

The world needs less contention.

In the talk President Nelson asked us to be less contentious with our social media interactions and other interactions as well. He stressed the importance of being a peacemaker. As I listened I thought of a few people I know who could be a little less contentious online. President Nelson then said that as we listened to his counsel, we might be thinking of others who would benefit from his words. That caused the audience to laugh...

Myself included.

No way he was talking to me because I go out of my way to avoid contention online. My posts are "vanilla" at best. 

But then, I re-thought his message. He was dead-on talking to me, because even though I don't post things, boy do I feel them. I'll read a post on Twitter or Facebook and the fuming begins. I think of many things to post--total destructive zingers guaranteed to render all other opinions obsolete. I think them, and sometimes I've even gone so far as to write them out, but when it's time to hit the "Post" button, I chicken out--mostly because I know it will do absolutely no good. My opinions have never been changed because someone basically yelled at me their opinion. Why should I think my opinions would do anything different?

I need to be less contentious in my life. I need to not think of argumentative things. If that means abandoning social medial all together, then that's what I should do. I'm grateful for the advice. Now, all I have to do is follow it.

Just A Simple (The Simplest...) Meal At Home

 Something that I love about social media is logging on during holidays. Now, I know Valentine's Day is not really a holiday (even though it's named after St. Valentine on the anniversary of his death...). Still, it's not a bank holiday so unless you asked for the day off, you had to work.

On breaks, I'd check out the various social media sites. It's fun to see my friends and family post about the day, fun to check out the pictures, the stories, the memories people share. We get to hear about and see Valentine's Days in the past, or better yet, plans for tonight.

For us, we decided to spend the night at home. Where we live has limited places to eat and I'll bet they're all full. I hope they enjoy their meals. Us? We dined of an ol' standby...frozen pizza. My wife and I are at that age where going out to celebrate a particular day can be more work than it's worth. 

I don't have a lot of wisdom in me, but one thing I can suggest is to find someone who is okay spending a quiet night with a simple meal on Valentines. If you can be happy with that, you can be happy with a lot of things.

Don't get me wrong...we are having ice cream later. ;)

Fourteen Years...Kind Of A Waste

 Every once in a while people will post their Twitter Anniversary on their Twitter feed. I suppose there's a way I could have looked up which day I joined--I had no idea how long I'd been on the app. Today, this little nugget popped up on my account...

Fourteen years.

That's a long time.

The funny thing, I thought I was late to the party when it came to Twitter. I didn't really understand it (still don't, in some ways...), but I stayed with it. I found out quickly that to "succeed" on the app, the more snarky the better. I don't do snark well, so I haven't taken the app by storm. That's okay. It looks like too much work to be huge on Twitter.

Truth be told, I would have deleted the app years ago if it weren't for the positives. One of the first things that blew my mind with the app was the immediacy. Case in point, it was summer and our state (and others...) were experiencing a high rate of fires. Most were in the mountains, but some were in neighborhoods. Unfortunately, a fire broke out in a Salt Lake Valley suburb. I logged onto Twitter and obtained instant information, even down to the streets where the fire was heading and where it had already been. It was SO much faster than the local news. That type of information delivery is invaluable. 

I also began following (and being followed...) by many authors. I like Writing Community Twitter, and Sports Twitter. I follow some Political Twitter, but all have their downsides and some people on the app are absolutely insane...literally.

Fourteen years ago today, I logged on for the first time. I know I should spend less time on the app and other social media platforms, or better yet, cut it out of my life completely, but I don't. It's an addiction. I know it--you know it. It is fact.

And, I know after writing this, I'm going to post the link to Twitter and other sites...

And the whole thing starts all over again.

If You Haven't Read/Heard Of "Chaser" By Scott Taylor...You Should! (An Experiment)

A few years ago, a little book was released upon the world. It received several great reviews, even one from international bestselling author, Sherrilyn Kenyon, author of the Dark Hunter series.

Back when it first came out, I blogged about it--a lot--and tried getting the word out. Since we're heading into the holiday season, I can't think of a better gift than the gift of wonder, of adventure, of escape (literally...) to a new world.

 Chaser is that book.

I am that author.

And I'd love for you to check out the book if you haven't read it, or tell someone about it--better yet, order it for Christmas--for someone else.

I've been asked by several if there will be a sequel. I'd love to continue the adventures of Chaser and his human, Kennedy "Kenny" Barnes. I just don't have the story in my head. For now, it's something that might happen. Time will tell.

If you'd like to check out Chaser, click: HERE for the link. Regardless, I hope wherever you are, you and your family are safe and healthy and doing well.

Next Week, Get Ready For...FYRECON, 2020 Edition!

Like everyone, we've all gone without this year. Many have given up vacations to far-away lands, family gatherings have been missed, and hanging out with friends had to be done in front of screens. Our family has not been immune from this, but not to the same extent as others.

One thing I've missed, however, is attending writing conventions.

I've been attending conventions for years, more than some, less than others. One year I think I hit seven or eight--that was a busy year. One of the conventions I did not attend that year was Fyrecon.

Why?

Because it hadn't started yet.

Fyrecon 4 begins a week from tonight. Because creative people don't take "no" for an answer, they've found a way to have a convention digitally. Pretty much all conventions have had to go this route, because without a virtual option, there would be no conventions.

I'm responsible for one class this year and I'm looking forward to the discussion. The topic? Writing and Social Media: Dos and Don'ts. Now, full disclosure, I am not an "expert" on social media. I don't know all the "dos and don'ts," but like many of the topics I recommend to conventions, I hope to come away from the experience learning something new.

I'm not going to say I'm clueless when it comes to social media. I mean, I have successfully written 3575 blog posts (without missing a single day...), 3576 including this one, and those posts have been accessed almost a half a million times. Does this make me an expert? Hardly. But, I've learned a few things over the years.

I attended the first three Fyrecons and I couldn't recommend them enough. This one will be different, obviously. Hanging out with author friends and meeting new incredibly talented people is one of the biggest reasons why I like to attend. Not this time--this time, it's all about the classes. If you're interested in attending, my class or all the others, just click: HERE for more information.

Fyrecon...Ignite Your Creativity!

They Really Don't Know Me...Do They?

 Social media intrigues me. The thought that people from all over the world (except some socialist countries--just think of the irony of that...) can interact, communicate, share interests, even engage in commerce.

But, since there is opposition in all things, there's a dark side. Anything that can be used for good will inevitably be reprogrammed and used in other ways.

Take, for example, Instagram, though I find the same thing happening with other social media platforms. Requests from total strangers to have me "follow" them are coming in all the time, but more recently, they've been showing up more on Instagram, which is interesting because I actually spend less time on Instagram than others.

I'm in my mid-fifties. I know there's a lot of bad things out there. Throw away all the other possible reasons these people--interestingly enough all young, all women--want me to follow them, and it must all boil down to one simple reason...

Money.

They're looking for money.

Not companionship as some claim, not banter, not anything but money. 

This is where I don't know if they know anything about me. Since everyone's information is most likely available to any and all who want it, any research on me or my family will show I'm not loaded. I spend very little online--even my salary is public record. I don't have a lot of disposable income to spend on whatever it is they're selling. Plus, there's the very real possibility that these people don't even exist, at least not in the form they're presenting themselves.

Maybe they're using a shotgun marketing approach--send out thousands of requests to snag a few. Perhaps. Personally, I don't really want to know or find out more. When these requests come in, I ignore them. I don't know if I get a lot--maybe a couple every other week. That might be excessive; it might be low. I have no idea. But, I do know that I'll most likely keep getting a few of these requests...

And I'll keep ignoring them...

Because I don't think they know me at all.

Netflix's "The Social Dilemma"...Frighteningly Enlightening

 I heard about this documentary a few days ago. I had time to watch it today.

I wish I had watched it a few days ago.

In fact, I wish I had watched it--or known about this stuff--years ago.

Netflix's The Social Dilemma casts light on how social media works, how it operates, and--as if it's a living breathing life form--how it survives and thrives.

It's terrifying.

I think we all know that we're being tracked. We're being recorded. We're being spied upon. Even the most non-conspiracy theorist acknowledges this. Our technology allows this to happen--only to what degree could be in question. Whistleblowers have proven the government has access to all this data. But, where and how did they get it?

Social media has helped.

The Social Dilemma doesn't necessarily dwell on how the information is gathered, but focuses more on why. And once you know the "why," the rest is human nature and A.I. taking its natural course. The film is a series of interviews from people who helped build Facebook, Google, Instagram, Pinterest, and other sites. They explain how the data is used to increase our addiction to their sights. Even though I've suspected what the site do and how they operate, I learned a lot about other things going on behind the scenes.

My wife pointed out something--she watched it, too. Netflix uses some of the same methods to get us addicted to their site...darn binge-ible shows!

Watch the show. You'll never look at your phone the same again.

It's All Perspective...

The picture obviously caught my attention--it did what it was designed to do. 

The Click-Bait snagged another viewer.

But, in my defense, the picture was engaging. I mean, what is the thing? Is it a piglet? A rat? Some sort of abnormal creature that is mystifying scientists?

Well, if you can't figure it out, I'll tell you what it is at the end of this post. And when I do, you'll instantly see it and realize it's all about perspective.

Perspective is a funny thing. We hear the term "The New Normal" thrown around all the time. People--most people--would love for their lives to return to the way it was before. But, the life you think you knew was an illusion. Things were never "normal." We get kicked back to reality whenever something happens to us, be it a something big like a new world-wide virus, or something much more localized, like the passing of a loved one. Things that used to make sense no longer do. And we are left wondering about the life we thought we knew.

This event of history we're experiencing now will be studied by economists, sociologists, psychologists, historians, medical professionals, and even politicians and lawyers for decades to come. What we know now will pale in comparison to what we will know later. How does knowledge change our perspective? 

It's fascinating.

Sometimes, we don't realize how much power we have and how things change just by looking at them differently. Case in point, the above picture. Look at it again. Now, tilt your head and look at the picture again. This is not a picture of some disfigured animal, but an adorable chihuahua. What looks like the animal's nose (closest to the camera) is the dog's ear and what looks like an ear (pointing up) is the dog's nose. When we look at things from a different view, so much can change.

It's all perspective.

Apparently...Social Media Believes I Have Bad Breath

It's no secret everything we search online, see online, or speak through our phones--online, or not--is stored, kept, accessible, retrievable. I've blogged about this before--how I mention something casually to a friend one day, and the next time I get online, there's an ad for that very thing.

Like I said, it's no secret.

Still, I find it interesting when I see this type of personal information hijacking first-hand. It happened again to me this morning.

Two days ago, I posted a subtly funny Pic of the Day picture. It contained a bag of goodies given out by the Walmart corporation for using their drive-up grocery service. We've used the service for years and we intend on continuing. From time to time, the good folks at Walmart have included a bag of stuff to celebrate a local holiday or other event. This week--Halloween.

Most of the contents were edible, but a few weren't. I thought it would be fun to arrange the edible things with something some have tried to consider edible, tried and failed and take a picture. This morning I received a Facebook comment about my picture, about mouthwash, about millennials, and their judgement (or lack there of...). I should say that I do not necessarily agree with this assessment of an entire generation. Just wanted you to know.

I responded to my friend's post, but not before noticing an ad for Listerine Ultra Clean Mouthwash directly under my friend's post. 

Coincidence?

I think not.

I closed the program. As I'm wont to do, I then opened Instagram. And what did I see? Another ad for Listerine. I decided to press my luck and see if there was an ad for Listerine on the third leg of the social media holy trinity, Twitter. I actually expected a Listerine ad to be on my Twitter feed, but it was not. Of course, the Instagram Listerine ad may have only been added after I saw the Facebook Listerine ad. Although, I'd like to think the Instagram Listerine ad was sitting there waiting for me to see it all along.

The more we look for this type of thing, the more we'll see it. Of course, there's always the distinct possibility that I actually need to use the product.

Come On, LinkedIn...At Least Send Me People I May Remotely Know!

Years ago I created a LinkedIn account. I set it up and basically forgot about it. Since I'm not a constant user, I may be wrong in my summation of the program, but to me, LinkedIn is like Facebook for professionals. At one time I thought I ought to be on it, but as the years have passed, its usefulness for me hasn't presented itself.

I know there are many who use the program religiously and it must pay off for them, so I understand why people would reach out to increase their network numbers...

But really--it's gotten out of hand!

With the other social media platforms, I've gotten friend/follow requests from people I don't know. It happens all the time especially on Facebook. But many of the people who contact me on Facebook know some of the people I know. A lot of writers will connect with other writers, even if they don't know them personally. It's a calculated move and it makes sense.

To me when someone asked to be a follower on LinkedIn, you should at least know them, or have some connection to each other. I work for the government. I've had people want me to be in their LinkedIn networks who do similar work both inside and outside government. I usually decline/ignore those requests, but I can understand them. Lately, I'm getting LinkedIn network requests from people that are in no way associated with me, what I do, or have any people in common. It's not that I don't appreciate the request--it's just that without knowing these people, I can't understand why they'd want me in their network in the first place.

It's hard enough trying to figure out how I know someone on Facebook. I don't want to have to do it with another social media platform that--to me--is supposed to be more personal. Oh well. I guess I'll just keep declining/ignoring them as long as keep coming. Sorry Jeffery Higgins, James, Christina, Steve, Jeanelle, Patty, and Robert--I'm sure you're fascinating people, but I'm going to pass.

So I've Tweeted 5000...Now What?

It's one of those things I hardly notice, but as it approached, I did. It's not a big thing. In fact, in the vast configuration of things, it's no larger than a spec of dust. But still, because it's a "milestone," it's something.

I finally sent out my 5000th tweet.

See? I told you is was nothing.

I've blogged about Twitter before. It's one of the more interesting social media platforms out there. The immediacy is unparalleled. My "wow" moment for how amazing Twitter is (or can be...) came when I was following a neighborhood fire a few years ago. The fire started in a backyard and spread. I followed the tweets as witnesses tracked the fire and told people which houses were in danger and which were not. Even the local fire department used Twitter to spread information to nervous and panicked neighbors.

I thought of all the good Twitter could do.

One of the truths by which I live, is this: "There is opposition in all things." That can definitely be said of Twitter. Anyone using the social network knows the other side of Twitter, the not good side, especially if you're even casually interested in politics, religion, or other social issues. Twitter can be terrible, or better stated, the people on Twitter can be both wonderful and awful.

I don't spend a lot of time on Twitter. I'm only at 5000 tweets (now 5001 when I post the link to this blog post...). I'm a lightweight compared to some. I find it mind-blowing that there are people out there who have hundreds and hundreds of tweets and likes and re-tweets. That's so much time. No, I like sticking in my toe. Swimming with the sharks in that tank is too much for me.

Apparently, Google + Is Shutting Down...

News hit this week that Google +, the search engine's answer to Facebook, will be shutting down next year.

And to be honest, I'm not sure how exactly I feel about it.

I think my ambivalence surprised me the most.

I've enjoy using Google +, but I'm probably the reason it's closing down...well, not me alone, but people like me. I use Google +. I use it everyday, but as little as possible for someone who accesses the social media program daily. I posted a picture every day as part of my Pic Of The Day process. I've been posting a daily picture since 2011, at least I think I have. I thought it would be fun to see the first picture I ever posted on Google +, but scrolling back to see the first picture I posted on their site would take several hours, and frankly, I'm not really that interested in seeing which picture I posted first.

There weren't that many things to dislike about Google +. As Facebook grew in popularity and began adding all the bells and whistles, Google + stuck to what it began with--a place to post thoughts, pictures, and links to videos and other sites. But what brought me back to Google + again and again were the pictures. I found it a good place to see beautiful pictures posted by both serious and casual photographers. Some of the pictures on Google + are simply amazing.

Google + has communities. I used to check out the photography communities on a regular basis, but I stopped doing that some time ago. Now about the only community I check out is a H.P. Lovecraft thread that I find interesting.

Some of the people using Google + have been vocal about the news since it hit. Most, however, are like me, at least I take their lack of a response as mirroring my feelings on the matter. Who knows--maybe it will be saved and not go away after all. For me, if it does, I'll have one less place to post a daily picture and one less place to see beautiful photographs...

and H.P. Lovecraft stuff.

J. Scott Savage's Definition Of...Success

The other day on Facebook a friend wrote a rather long post. After reading it I wanted to turn his thoughts into a blog post. I wanted to share it. And I wasn't the only one...it's now been shared dozens of times on Facebook. Many of you reading this might have already read it. If so, I hope it had a similar effect on you. I wrote my friend and asked if I could share it on my blog post. He was kind enough to give his permission.

Like I said, it's long, but for anyone engaged in an endeavor that isn't completed overnight--specifically writing--these are wise words, important words that give perspective to what we think we know about writing, but cannot know unless we've put in the time and lived the lows.

Many times I blog things that I want to remember. Hopefully, they'll be helpful to others. I know they'll be helpful to me. They are reminders that life isn't always what we think it is or what's shown to us on social media. Scott, thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with us.

I heard a story a couple of years ago that I love so much. An author (author A), who is now quite successful, was just getting going in their writing career and attended a local writing conference. At the conference, author A met author B. Author B was a very talented author who author A looked up to. Having heard so much about author B, author A walked up and said, "I know you are a very successful author. Could you tell me how many million books you've sold?"

Because author B is such a wonderful person, I'm sure that she refrained from punching author A in the face or saying something rude, and instead probably nicely explained that with very few exceptions, "millions" and "number of books sold" don't apply to most authors.

I bring this up now, because social media, while having many positive effects, also has one really negative effect. It makes people feel like everyone else is so much more successful than they are. Not in a, "Yay! Look at how well you are doing," kind of way. But in a "I am the only person on the face of the earth not winning an award, getting an agent, having a launch party, and yes, selling a million books," kind of way.

And what makes it worse is that not only does it make you feel jealous about the success of others, and terrible about your own perceived lack of success, it also makes you feel like you are a terrible person for having bad feelings about people who you genuinely like. You start to go into the cycle of, "I am the only person who is struggling, and I'm jealous of the people who aren't struggling, which makes me a bad person. I am struggling. I am a bad person. So maybe I am struggling because I am a bad person?"

This goes on until people feel so bad about themselves that they stop doing something they love and cut off all communication with their friends. Many, many friendships have been ruined over this exact cycle. Many people have given up writing completely because of it.

And the thing is, this is all happening because of a huge misperception.

Let me explain.

1) Once you get enough friends you are following on social media, the law of averages kick in. It's almost always someone's birthday. Someone is always on vacation somewhere fun, or eating somewhere nice. Someone is telling a funny joke or getting a great new job. (Or going to Disneyland. Grrrrrr) And in your head you start to get the idea that everyone is doing great things and having great experiences, except you.

As authors, we tend to have a lot of authors friends. Just like running people have running friends, musical people have musical friends, My Little Pony people have small equine friends, serial killers have serial killer friends. Okay, maybe those last two are slightly off, but you get the idea.

As we get enough author friends we are following, the law of averages says that there is always going to be someone signing a new deal, getting an agent, having a launch party, or going to a conference. And we start to feel smaller and smaller.

But what we are forgetting is that every day the vast majority of our friends are not winning an award or selling a book or getting an agent. It's just that people seldom post, "Hey just wanted to let you know I got three more rejections today." Or, "In case you were wondering, I was not included on the best of XYZ list." Or "Sales are terrible, and I got a bad review today. Totally not rocking it."

People tend to share when something good happens, but that is this tiny bit of iceberg peeking up through the water. They are posting about their successes, because those good things are what help them survive the huge mass of bad things going on under the water. If all authors posted all the bad things that happened to them every day, no one would ever want to be an author, and the rest of the world would wonder what is wrong with us to pursue such a punishing profession.

2) Even the "successful" authors are not succeeding at anywhere near the level you think they are. One of the benefits of having been involved in an incredible community of writers for nearly fifteen years now, is that I get to talk shop with a lot of other writers. Many of these writers are considered very successful for one reason or another. They have big agents or they are selling lot of books as an Indie author. They have won awards. They have hit lists. They are with big five publishers or have great covers or go on exciting tours. You know what I'm talking about.

These are the people that aspiring writers dream of emulating. Except, guess what, with very, very few exceptions, all of these writers are struggling to make numbers. They are struggling to sell another book. They are doing whatever they can to make ends meet. They are getting together and quietly whispering with each other about how little their most recent book is selling and how their publisher turned down another one of their manuscripts.

This applies to both traditional and Indie authors. You know that self-published author who is cranking out books like crazy and showing up on top-seller lists? Her sales are down so much, she's wondering if she can even keep writing. You know that guy whose great new book from a big name publisher got a starred review? He's looking at his sales numbers and wondering how they can be so low. The woman who won that big award is discovering that most awards have little to no impact on actual sales.

Do they tell the outside world that? Of course not. They whisper it among themselves at quiet lunches, shake their heads, and go to work on the next book, hoping that one will be different. Hoping they'll somehow break out, and reach the level of the people who they see as "successes." (Here's another secret. Even the people who the "successful authors" view as "successful" are struggling too.)

3) Last point, but this may be the most important one. One's definition of "success" changes all the time. I can't tell you how many people have told me they don't even care about how many books they sell; they just want to publish a book. Until they publish a book or two and they don't sell very well. Or the people who just know that they will have made it when they get an agent to accept their work. Then they discover having an agent doesn't mean you will actually sell a book.

Think signing with a big publisher will guarantee sales? Think going on a tour, or winning an award, or having your book in stores, or reaching a certain number on Amazon or teaching at a big conference will mean you've made it?

Do you feel like you are on the outside because you don't live where all the other authors live? Or maybe you aren't attending the conference all your friends are at? Or you haven't made it into the "cool kids" author group you really want to be part of.

The funny thing about getting inside most groups is that once you get inside you realize it isn't all that much different from the outside. You discover that most of the people inside the group are asking each other if they have any idea what the heck is going on. They're looking for a the very secret you want to get inside the group to learn.

You know how I recognize a really "successful" author? It's by the fact that they realize how different "success" is than what they thought it was going to be.

So, in conclusion...first, stop looking at writing as a destination and realize it is always going to be a journey. Stop telling yourself you will be happy when X happens and enjoy what you are doing. Second, take whatever you think big name authors are selling and divide it by at least ten. That will bring you much closer to reality. Third, recognize that when you see authors posting all kinds of good news, that this is the exception, not the rule. We are sharing the good stuff and keeping the bad stuff to ourselves.

And most importantly of all, take your definition of success and throw it out the window. I'm not telling you to stop striving for greatness. As I mentioned the other night, a great leader recently said, "Our greatest danger is aiming too low." Every time you sit down to write, aim for greatness. You are great, so why not aim to fulfill what's inside you? But stop tying to success to a certain event happening. The only thing completely in your control is writing a great story. After that, outside forces start playing a huge roll, and your "success" ends up in someone else's hands.

One of my greatest writing heroes is a person who would probably not even recognize it. He writes great stories that people enjoy and takes pleasure in writing those stories. He's with a small publisher. I don't know if he's ever won an award. His sales numbers aren't huge. His writing doesn't pay the bills, but he has a job he loves. He isn't well known outside of Utah, but those who know him and his books love them. But he writes because he has stories inside of him and it makes him happy to share those stories.

That is his definition of success and he is successful every single day.