Spam Haikus...A Guest Blog

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 Around 15 years ago I began working for my current employer. There were six of us who began on the same day and of those original six, only two remain. I am the only one who didn't leave and come back.

Why am I explaining this and what does this have to do with Spam? You see, one of the people who started the same day as me had a sister who dabbled in the written word. One day, he gave me an original work written by her, 15 haiku poems. It was titled: Spam Haikus.

I've had these poems in my possession ever since. I'm including them in this blog post, but I must reiterate, these haikus are not from me--oh how I wish I could have written them.

Since the internet can reach almost anyone, if you are the person who wrote these haikus (and I'll know if you are if you can answer a few questions...), or you know this person, please contact me. I would LOVE to give the author credit for these amazing gems.

But, for everyone else, please sit back and enjoy! You'll never think about Spam the same way again.

Spam Haikus

1 Blue can of steel

What promise do you hold?

The salt flesh so ripe

2 Can of metal, slick

Soft center, so cool, moistening

I yearn for your salt

3 Twist, pull the sharp lid

Jerks and cuts me deeply but

Spam, aah, my poultice

4 Silent, former pig

One communal awareness

Myriad pink bricks

5 Clad in metal, proud

No mere salt-curing for you

You are not bacon

6 And who dares mock Spam?

You? You? You are not worthy

Of one rich pink fleck

7 Like some spongy rock

A granite, my piece of Spam

In sunlight on my plate

8 Little slab of meat

In a wash of clear jelly

Now I heat the pan

9 Oh tin of pink meat

I ponder what you may be:

Snout or ear or feet?

10 In the cool morning

I fry up a slab of Spam

A dog barks next door

11 Pink tender morsel

Glistening with salty gel

What the heck is it?

12 Ears, snouts and innards

A homogeneous mass

Pass another slice

13 Old man seeks doctor

"I eat Spam daily," he says.

Angioplasty

14 Highly unnatural

The tortured shape of this "food"

A small pink coffin

15 Pink beefy temptress

I can no longer remain

Vegetarian

*Photo used without permission from: http://sansscience.wordpress.com/2012/02/26/spam-spam-spam-spam-science-spam/