The Wisdom of Instant Messaging/Old Testament, Vol. 3

I've been sitting on the latest Old Testament I/M rant for a few days, but I think it's worth waiting for. Oh, and what does instant messaging have to do with a $10 D.I. watch? Absolutely nothing, but I found a 17 jewel Elgin (that is so far keeping great time, by the way...) and I bought it and it's a beautiful watch.

Steven (7:11:06 AM): scot-tay
Steven (7:11:11 AM): had a funny experience the other day
Scott (7:11:19 AM): Do tell....
Steven (7:12:15 AM): the mrs. was in a bad mood the other day
Steven (7:12:18 AM): got home
Steven (7:12:20 AM): dinner time
Steven (7:12:28 AM): she made stew and rice
Steven (7:12:38 AM): she had some bread thingies that looked like naan bread
Steven (7:12:50 AM): or pita bread
Steven (7:13:02 AM): asked her if it was pita or naan.
Steven (7:13:27 AM): her cranky answer was
Steven (7:13:30 AM): its not naan bread
Steven (7:13:40 AM): marry an indian wife if you want it
Steven (7:13:44 AM): ok
Steven (7:13:47 AM): let that one go
Steven (7:13:58 AM): later in the night she was out and our neighbor came over with pita bread and hummus for us
Steven (7:14:05 AM): the irony
Steven (7:14:22 AM): when she came back she saw the bread on the table and hummus and asked where i got it
Steven (7:14:27 AM): i told her my indian wife made it for me
Steven (7:14:28 AM):
Steven (7:14:30 AM): i laughed
Steven (7:14:36 AM): she said words i shant repeat
Scott (7:15:09 AM): That's pretty funny....and since you live in Utah--even funnier!
Steven (7:15:25 AM):
Scott (7:19:12 AM): You should try out on an open mic night at a comedy club--you'd kill, man!
Steven (7:19:30 AM): oh how wrong you are
Steven (7:19:47 AM): theres a difference between something funny that happens and being a homer simpson in front of a mike
Scott (7:20:23 AM): Yeah, but they both bring the laughs...
Steven (7:20:31 AM): yes.
Steven (7:20:36 AM): but im more of the laugh at then with kind'

And then, came the Old Testament talk. I try not to interrupt too much. I just enjoy the ride...

Steven (9:36:41 AM): my rereading of genesis has been much different this time then in previous times
Steven (9:36:48 AM): abraham and family are all very human to me
Steven (9:37:21 AM): abraham issac and jacobs wives all are noted for their 'barrenness'
Steven (9:37:25 AM): when it comes to child rearing
Steven (9:37:44 AM): and yet abraham marries his sister. issac marries cousin, jacob marries a cousin
Steven (9:38:02 AM): the women are being blamed but im wondering if the men werent barren as well
Steven (9:38:44 AM): abraham constaontly has sarah lie about being husband and wife when they encounter new people cuz it seems being married to a hottie can get you killed
Steven (9:38:54 AM): even if the hottie is in her 90's or later
Steven (9:38:59 AM): isaac does the same thing!
Steven (9:39:08 AM): this abimelech guy is ruler of the land they live in
Steven (9:39:14 AM): took sarah when she was around
Steven (9:39:21 AM): till god told him to give her back
Steven (9:39:32 AM): then he does the same thing to rebekah
Steven (9:39:42 AM): god tells him to give her back to isaac
Scott (9:42:07 AM): Old Testament stuff--that's trippy!
Steven (9:43:09 AM): parental favorites
Steven (9:43:30 AM): god keeps em 'barren' till abraham has dozens of kids from the 2ndary wives
Steven (9:44:13 AM): how can abraham not see he was setting isaac up for resentment when he gives everything inheritence wise to isaac and sends off his other kids
Steven (9:44:13 AM): ?
Steven (9:44:34 AM): i felt bad for esau this time around
Steven (9:44:41 AM): we always read about him selling his birthright for pottage
Steven (9:44:48 AM): but the dude had a rough time of it
Steven (9:44:53 AM): he's born butt ugly
Steven (9:45:02 AM): the wolf man has nothing on this hairy guy
Steven (9:45:07 AM): so he's going to have trouble finding a date
Scott (9:45:19 AM): I wonder how he feels about that whole birthright thing now...
Steven (9:45:28 AM): isaac loves esau more cuz esau brings him some tastey bacon
Steven (9:45:36 AM): but rebekah loves jacob more
Steven (9:45:44 AM): and plots against her kid and husband to get jacob the birhtright
Steven (9:46:26 AM): one of the religious commentaries i read about jacob, the pastor guy who wrote it said that jacob getting shafted with leah when he worked for rachel was divine karma for shafting esau earlier in life
Steven (9:46:35 AM): im beginning to wonder if there isnt some truth to that
Steven (9:47:13 AM): when u read in genesis that rebekah has jacob put on sheep skin on his arms and neck to fool blind isaac i cant help but feel sorry for how hairy esau must have been
Scott (9:47:39 AM): or how blind Isaac was...
Steven (9:47:45 AM): ha yes
Steven (9:48:20 AM): when esau comes in and finds out his been tricked his first reaction isnt to kill jacob, its, dad give me a blessing
Steven (9:48:23 AM): i gave my blessing
Steven (9:48:29 AM): must have been to jacob accidently
Steven (9:48:35 AM): that blessings good for him
Steven (9:48:42 AM): well give me a different blessing then
Steven (9:48:43 AM): sorry
Steven (9:48:46 AM): all out
Steven (9:48:50 AM): come on dad
Steven (9:49:11 AM): ok. be fruitful but your basically going to serve your brother cuz i gave him the good blessing
Steven (9:49:23 AM): thanks dad. excuse me while i kill my brother
Steven (9:49:38 AM): rebekah sends jacob to her brother to marry a cousin
Steven (9:50:01 AM): jacob rightfully fears esay on his way back after years of being with laban
Steven (9:50:22 AM): he arranges his company so that rachel the favorite is the last in the caravan line
Steven (9:50:24 AM): leah is in front
Steven (9:50:58 AM): after 6 kids of hoping jacob would pay attention to her, she is a buffer between esau and rachel if esau goes ape
Steven (9:51:09 AM): and these are the patriarchs!!!!!!!!!!!
Steven (9:51:15 AM): so i guess there is some hope for me
Steven (9:51:33 AM): if the patriarchs were all very human perhaps i can get by some
Steven (9:52:22 AM): other thoughts. abraham isaac and jacob were all very rich
Steven (9:52:27 AM): but they lived in tents
Steven (9:52:29 AM): i live in a house
Steven (9:52:32 AM): they had to dig wells
Steven (9:52:35 AM): i get tap from the sink
Steven (9:52:39 AM): they had lots of herds
Steven (9:52:45 AM): ive got a food storage supply
Steven (9:52:52 AM): he had alot of gold
Steven (9:52:56 AM): i work for the state
Steven (9:53:02 AM): 3 out of 4 aint bad
Steven (9:53:09 AM): for being better off then their lifestyles of then
Steven (9:53:24 AM): amen
Steven (9:53:31 AM): and that will be my next talk in sacrament meeting
Scott (9:55:08 AM): Maybe all those steeples they put up on all the old and new churches are really lightning rods for just such an occasion...

Of course, we always seem to drift back to the Simpson's and other topics...

Steven (9:55:16 AM): yes
Steven (9:55:35 AM): fast sunday testimony meeting is often the reason i suspect
Steven (9:55:43 AM): open mike night at church is a risky thing
Steven (9:56:05 AM): cant count how many times religion has been tied to a variety of local sports teams winning or losing
Steven (9:56:11 AM): who knew it could make a or break a testimony
Steven (9:56:18 AM): or tesimonies that arent really testimonies
Steven (9:56:20 AM): the travelmony
Steven (9:56:29 AM): the lifestorymony
Steven (9:56:44 AM): the grampa simpson pointless ramblingmony
Steven (9:56:56 AM): the i hate so and so ward dirty laundry mony
Steven (9:57:39 AM): the latest philosophies of men mingled with scripturemonies
Steven (9:57:57 AM): the solicit latest socialcauzeimony
Steven (9:58:15 AM): the givemeattentionmony
Steven (9:58:40 AM): thechildrenrecitediknowthischurchistrueandjosephsmithisaprophetmony
Steven (9:59:04 AM): theadultsoundslikeakidrepeatedchurchistrue/jsprophetmony
Steven (9:59:12 AM): and plan just not a testimony mony
Steven (9:59:16 AM): and the list goes on
Steven (9:59:47 AM): no joke, about a year ago one of our neighborhood crackpots went up to the mike and did the darth vadar breath and then said luke i am your father
Steven (9:59:49 AM): no joke
Steven (10:00:11 AM): this same dude got up another time and started encouraging people to join his book club that focuses on why america is going to hell
Steven (10:00:13 AM): no joke
Steven (10:01:03 AM): another crackpot lady, known for her randomness got up and started talking about how her children dont respect her and how she isnt going to let that keep her down
Steven (10:01:27 AM): another time same person got up and went straight to the piano and played some three page song she wrote
Steven (10:01:44 AM): then came to the mike and said she wanted to share her testimony through music and encouraged us to go up and do the same
Steven (10:01:53 AM): you cant write this stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Scott (10:02:03 AM): Is there a spirit attached to Chopstix?
Steven (10:02:03 AM): this is how the singles ward and home teacher movies are made!!!!!!!!!
Steven (10:02:07 AM): life experiences
Scott (10:02:36 AM): I think it's your close proximity to Utah County...
Steven (10:02:40 AM): napolean dynamite is funny cuz that stuff really happens
Steven (10:02:43 AM): ha
Steven (10:02:45 AM): thats good
Steven (10:03:10 AM): the only good that comes from these crackpots is that its funny to see our bishop with his head in his hands
Steven (10:03:19 AM): i find that funny for some reason
Steven (10:03:22 AM):
Steven (10:03:29 AM): im laughing while typing cuz of these memories

It's a lot of texting, but when you get stuck on a tangent, you just can't stop. Until next time, we'll see what nuggets of wisdom come through the magic of instant messaging.

If you're interested, you can access the previous Instant Messaging Blog Posts: Here For Vol. 1 and: Here For Vol. 2. Enjoy!