My friend is truly a funny guy, one of the funniest I know. I worked with him in the same building for a year or two and enjoyed his company on many occasions. We're both huge Simpson's fans, but more so the early years. I haven't watched an episode of The Simpson's (save an errant Halloween special or two...) for almost 10 years. My friend and I I/M quotes back and forth a couple of times a day.
On Thursday last, my friend got on a tangent while I/M'ing. He has been known to expound on a thought or two, but I felt his Thursday thread was worth copying, so I e-mailed it to myself so I could include it on a blog post. He has no idea I'm doing this, but I don't think he would mind, at least, not too much. So, here it is...
Steven (12:53:12 PM): doing anything legal and can tell me about for the weekend?
Scott (12:53:35 PM): Working tomorrow, and going to a writer's conference on Sat
Scott (12:53:40 PM): scandalous stuff!
Steven (12:56:16 PM): funny story
Steven (12:56:18 PM): true story
Steven (12:56:22 PM): last night i got to thinking, '
Steven (12:56:29 PM): 'how can i honor my wife better?
Steven (12:56:33 PM): i said this to myself
Steven (12:56:43 PM): so i decided. im gonna read about jacob from the old testament
Steven (12:56:48 PM): he worked 7 years for rachel
Steven (12:56:58 PM): i reread the account last night and i just started cracking up
Steven (12:57:07 PM): my wife was using the computer next to me in bed
Steven (12:57:16 PM): and hadnt heard my internal monologue with myself
Steven (12:57:22 PM): and asked me whats so funny
Steven (12:57:39 PM): i told her the story of jacob and rachel and leah was alot funnier then i remember
Steven (12:57:55 PM): she didnt really want to know more then that but ill share with you
Steven (12:58:27 PM): while jacob did truly love rachel i was able to see he was as exasperated by the women in his life as i am
Steven (12:59:20 PM): jacob works all this time and gets the sweet spirit leah. honeymoon night leah wont let him turn the light on. or she'll be found out
Steven (12:59:39 PM): but when they get down to business jacob had to have known something was wrong with rachel
Steven (1:00:29 PM): rachel while a babe, must have felt like a chump when her dad 'throws her in' for another 7 years of labor
Steven (1:00:55 PM): then reading about the competitivness of the sisters for child rearing
Steven (1:01:14 PM): and throwing in their handmaids to increase their kids base
Steven (1:01:49 PM): every time leah has a kid she thanks God cuz jacob will finally start paying attention to her
Steven (1:01:53 PM): for like 6 kids
Steven (1:02:04 PM): then rachel is feeling envious and starts blaming jacob. give me kids or i die
Steven (1:02:17 PM): and jacob gets pissed and tells her am i God? blame him
Steven (1:02:53 PM): then there was some incident with rachel wanting leah's mandrakes believing it to help her get preggers and so rachel barters jacob to leah in exchange
Steven (1:03:05 PM): leah goes out to meet jacob and says she bought his services for the night
Steven (1:03:10 PM): apparantly jacob had no say in the matter
Steven (1:03:30 PM): then when jacob leaves the women rip of their father and so he blames jacob when he finally catches up to him
Steven (1:03:38 PM): and jacob goes ape on dad in law
Steven (1:03:47 PM): only to find out it was the women that caused the problem
Steven (1:03:52 PM): see where im going with this?
Steven (1:04:01 PM): he was headed to an early grave
Steven (1:04:21 PM): so i learned stuff from the Bible but i dont think it was anything of value
Steven (1:04:26 PM): had a good laugh though
Steven (1:04:27 PM): ah
Scott (1:04:45 PM): Amazing! That's just how I explained the story to my nursery kids....
Steven (1:04:53 PM): ha
Scott (1:04:56 PM): They LOVED it!
Steven (1:05:26 PM): you taught the girls they were going to be psychotic troublemakers for the men and told the boys to watch out for the extra chromosome
Steven (1:05:47 PM): p.s. thats probably why you are in the nursery
Steven (1:05:49 PM): ahahahaha
Steven (1:05:50 PM): ah
Steven (1:07:45 PM): if you want to get out just pick up one of the nursery toy baby dolls and start yelling 'stop crying!' while shaking it vigorously
Steven (1:07:47 PM): worked for me
For the record, we do have 15-minute breaks a couple of times a day, so...well, there you have it. I'm going back to work Monday. We'll see what gems of wisdom, or Biblical interpretations my friend has in store for me...